My First Trip to Osho Leela
- by Kerry
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- 14 Aug, 2018
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Last week, I spent the week at the amazing Osho Leela Sexuality Gathering and I have to say. I was quite worried that it may be a step too far for me and many people had given me advice on ensuring I had firm boundaries, I didn’t really know what that meant although I had some interesting conversations with my other half before I went about what I wasn’t allowed to do. That brought up some stuff for me, as my whole outlook now is to be free in everything I do but what does that mean? I also know that I am in a loving relationship and need to be respectful of that too. Sometimes on this journey, I have lost my way a bit, mainly in my head and having my beautiful man stand by me in all the craziness has meant so much and I know we have something truly special.
When I arrived at the festival, my first challenge was to put up my tent up, I have never camped alone, but I was super excited as I love being in nature and having my little haven of tranquility felt brilliant. I walked around the whole site and found the perfect spot amongst the trees which would be my home for the next 6 days. I spoke to a few people and then the nerves started to set in, OMG, I was at a sexuality gathering, what actually happens here? There were people putting their tents up naked and I almost felt at home and thought one day that would be me but maybe not this year!
Over the week, I learnt so much about myself, met amazing beings, had beautiful connections and spent a lot of time in silence. The biggest eye opener was learning all about the world of kink and actually found that I quite enjoyed whipping someone and receiving it too. It was so much fun and it’s not something I have ever experimented with especially with someone I didn’t know. I felt powerful, I felt beautiful and in complete devotion of the person I was serving.
Little did I know that this workshop would trigger me like never before and the laughter and fun from the workshop quickly faded when I headed for lunch and I just felt like I wanted to cry and didn’t know why? Over the course of the day, things started to become clear and it took me back to when I was 17 when I was raped. I have worked on this loads already but never on the physical pain of what I experienced back then. Here I was, enjoying pleasure through pain and it didn’t feel right, that wasn’t pain, not like I experienced then. Later that day, I attended the most profound workshop with an amazing teacher Elaine Young where we worked with a partner and looked at each other’s Yonis. It sounds crazy but my goodness it was so powerful. Your Yoni is part of a huge energy centre that communicates to you and also likes to be communicated with. We tapped into this energy and thought of what we would like to say, I just wanted to say Sorry for never really connecting to that part of my body and for not honouring myself enough all those years ago to acknowledge what had happened and to never tell a soul. I cried, I screamed and released the trauma from my body and released all the pain that I kept in for the last 21 years. In that moment, I felt like I was in a trance, the trauma release shaking has happened to me a lot over the last year, but I wasn’t resisting it anymore and instead I was picturing my freedom, me as the beautiful butterfly as this all left my body. The space was beautifully held for me, my face was held, I was told I was safe, I was loved and I was going to be free. Wow, what an experience and was another reminder of why I am doing the work I do now, I want everyone to be free of past trauma because when you release it, that feeling of freedom is phenomenal.
When I got up on the stage on my last night and sang I believe I can fly, that really did mean the world to me, what an unexpected journey I had been on in 5 days in this perfect location in the Dorset countryside, I never knew that I could feel freer then I did already and I left just feeling so blessed that I was here, that I had met such amazing people and knew that this place would always hold a special place in my heart and I would be coming back.
I’d woken up my sexual energy and been on a crazy journey exploring this but I knew I was holding back in my own pleasure, I was afraid of my power, of what was possible within me
Like with all week-long containers I attend, it was edgy and I’d had a banging headache that wouldn’t budge and was driving me crazy.
I did an embodiment practice connecting to my energy body and moving energy through, I started to shake, my head started to move frantically from side to side and I was screaming NOOOOOOOOOOOO
I could see it so clearly, I was being held down and I was being raped, all I could see were faces flashing up in my eyes as I moved the trauma through my body
I’d experienced something like this before in my own journey but I knew this wasn’t mine
Then all of a sudden, I felt my back arch and I rose from my body and saw myself connecting into the light, to consciousness
I remember feeling this sense of peace all over my body as I felt the light beam in to me
Then I came back to the room, I couldn’t really make sense of what happened and it took a while for me to feel fully in my body - I wasn’t really back for some time
That night, I couldn’t sleep and as I tossed and turned, I felt a presence in the room, I thought I must be dreaming and then I was told very clearly
This isn’t just about you
It’s for the women that never had a voice
All those that came before you
That never had the power to heal from their trauma and the times their No wasn’t heard
You are doing it for them too
On the days where I want to run away
I remind myself of this day
I remind myself of the power I have to heal myself and the collective, both here and those that have past
Sometimes it feels like a huge responsibility but it’s why I show up
It’s always bigger then you … always
It took me a while to integrate what happened in Goa, it was the first time, I realized that I was part of something greater than me and I’m sharing with you because I want you to know that too
To be Continued….
She used to share with me the stories of her own spiritual journey and that I had guides and angels watching over me
I used to raise my eyebrows and honestly thought she was a bit doolally
I knew before I arrived in the world that my mum had experienced some miscarriages, she remembers the night I was conceived so clearly
She felt herself rise from the bed, seeing herself below, she felt the hand of something on her shoulder but she was too scared to look around.
The voice told her not to worry and that everything would be ok now
She found out she was pregnant a few weeks later
Another story she shared was when she was 8 months pregnant, whilst making dinner, she slipped on some water in the kitchen and as she fell, she grabbed the oven and as it fell towards her, the pan of boiling potatoes slid to the back of oven
Another time, at the traffic lights whilst taking me to school, the lights turned red and just as she was about to cross, a voice told her to pull me back, just as a motorbike sped through the red light
So many things like this happened in my childhood and my mum said she always knew I’d be a spiritual soul and my angels were always looking out for me
I never understood or wanted to accept that I was spiritual until the last few years, I think it really began when I experienced my own out-of-body experience
This happened in 2020 during a retreat in Goa and it was an experience that I will never forget and it was the catalyst for a HUGE ascension into the spiritual world.
To be Continued…
I had so many messages to share, that I definitely wasn’t present at Mark’s friend’s party and spent most of the time on the phone
In the past, I always told myself that mediums and psychics were con artists and that they never really knew anything, they just picked up on things you said
On that day, I purposely tried to say nothing but it didn’t matter because everything she was saying didn’t make sense to me
But after, when I delivered the messages, it made more sense
I just kept saying OMG, this must be true
You cannot deny this Kerry
This isn’t something she made up
OMG, There must be a life after this one
I always thought how can there be a god if so many people I loved were taken so young
But in that moment I realised there maybe there was more after this life, that the spirits and angels my mums always told me about did exist
This was just over 6 years ago…
I thought that was the start of my deepest spiritual journey, turns out it started the night I was conceived
To be continued… there is so much more to come
