Tantric practices to build intimacy in your relationship
- by Kerry O'Sullivan
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- 27 Feb, 2019
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There are so many ideas about what Tantra is, for me Tantra is about connection, firstly being truly connected to ourselves so we can then connect more deeply with others.
It’s a connection of our mind, body and spirit allowing us to really drop into our bodies awakening all of our senses and giving permission to express ourselves and what our needs and desires are in the moment.
In relationships, practicing Tantra brings us into a connection where we become one. We are completely open to receiving love from each other, giving ourselves fully to the other whilst being true to ourselves and expressing and facing our fears as we grow our love together.
Sometimes in relationships we can find that one person desires intimacy more than the other and this can sometimes cause friction and pressure to 'perform' when we really don't want too and that can then lead to months and sometimes years of no intimacy at all.
And by intimacy – I mean connection with each other and this can take so many forms from looking at each other in the eyes, giving each other a hug, having conscious sensual touch or making love.
My clients often say we are friends more than lovers and that they like it that way, we are not bothered really but its only when we delve a bit deeper, we realise that they actually miss the intimacy they once had with each other, they've just forgotten what it feels like and because this new way of life now feels comfortable, none of the them are willing to make the first move as they fear rejection or that they may not enjoy it.
Below are some tantric practices to bring intimacy back in to your relationship and it may surprise you what they are...this is the start of the connection, almost like a first date:
Practice Eye Gazing
This is one of the simplest ways to build intimacy. When was the last time you looked at each other in the eyes? Sounds crazy but it really does work as the eyes are connected to your soul. You don’t need to exchange any words or touch, just spending some time looking each other in the eyes is enough to connect you. Give it a go, practice it for a few minutes each and make sure that you keep breathing throughout. End the practice with a beautiful hug for a minimum of 20 seconds – left side to left side so your hearts connect.
Self-pleasure alone
Yes this can really help you be intimate with each other and the reason why is because awakening the connection with yourself first will allow you to be more open with touch from another, you will get to you know your own body and understand the type if touch that you love to receive and the parts of your body that love to be touched.
Remove all agenda and concentrate on how it feels to be touched by you, what type of touch do you like? What parts of your body yearn for love? Take your time, maybe start with your face or an arm and explore, remember to breathe and let sound out as you get to know yourself. Really take your time and remember to breathe and express any sounds that come out and move your body if you think it will enhance your experience. Breath, sound and movement are all key ways to awaken pleasure within you and to move the energy around so you experience pleasure throughout your body.
Spend some time together talking about how you feel about intimacy in your relationship
What do you desire and what do you miss? This may be something you have never really spoken about and your desires may have changed. Maybe there is something really wild you have always dreamed of that you have never told a soul...it could just be a fantasy or it could be something that you would really love to try.
Be honest with each other - you could make this chat as part of a date night to make it more interesting but the key here is just to be honest and open as to how you are really feeling.
when you are in the listening role, to really honour what you are hearing and be grateful for this space for you to be YOU
Spend time touching each other’s bodies whilst clothed without rushing into sex
Sometimes in relationships we tend to default into what we have always done and its over quicker then we'd like and we are left feeling unfulfilled. Try this lovely game to get you to really feel and appreciate each other’s bodies and really appreciate the parts of you that may be missed or not appreciated for some time
1) Sit fully clothed opposite each other
2) Take 3 deep breaths together whilst having eye contact
3) Decide who is going first
4) The person that is receiving touch first, close your eyes and the giver first take your partner in, really look at that them and observe their face and their body before you
5) Now close your eyes
6) Reach out and really slowly and delicately feel around their face, really take your time, feeling every part of them as if you were drawing them on paper, Really feel into the exercise and spend at least 5 minutes each doing this to each other
7) Set a clock if that helps you be more present
8) You may want to both giggle at first as this is the first time you have done anything...let yourself laugh and don't forget to breathe, make sound if you feel like it and move your body if you feel like it will help you drop more into the exercise
I am on a mission for others to deepen the connection to themselves and each other so please share with anyone else you think may love this too
Happy connecting lovelies and enjoy incorporating some Tantra into your life xx
I’d woken up my sexual energy and been on a crazy journey exploring this but I knew I was holding back in my own pleasure, I was afraid of my power, of what was possible within me
Like with all week-long containers I attend, it was edgy and I’d had a banging headache that wouldn’t budge and was driving me crazy.
I did an embodiment practice connecting to my energy body and moving energy through, I started to shake, my head started to move frantically from side to side and I was screaming NOOOOOOOOOOOO
I could see it so clearly, I was being held down and I was being raped, all I could see were faces flashing up in my eyes as I moved the trauma through my body
I’d experienced something like this before in my own journey but I knew this wasn’t mine
Then all of a sudden, I felt my back arch and I rose from my body and saw myself connecting into the light, to consciousness
I remember feeling this sense of peace all over my body as I felt the light beam in to me
Then I came back to the room, I couldn’t really make sense of what happened and it took a while for me to feel fully in my body - I wasn’t really back for some time
That night, I couldn’t sleep and as I tossed and turned, I felt a presence in the room, I thought I must be dreaming and then I was told very clearly
This isn’t just about you
It’s for the women that never had a voice
All those that came before you
That never had the power to heal from their trauma and the times their No wasn’t heard
You are doing it for them too
On the days where I want to run away
I remind myself of this day
I remind myself of the power I have to heal myself and the collective, both here and those that have past
Sometimes it feels like a huge responsibility but it’s why I show up
It’s always bigger then you … always
It took me a while to integrate what happened in Goa, it was the first time, I realized that I was part of something greater than me and I’m sharing with you because I want you to know that too
To be Continued….
She used to share with me the stories of her own spiritual journey and that I had guides and angels watching over me
I used to raise my eyebrows and honestly thought she was a bit doolally
I knew before I arrived in the world that my mum had experienced some miscarriages, she remembers the night I was conceived so clearly
She felt herself rise from the bed, seeing herself below, she felt the hand of something on her shoulder but she was too scared to look around.
The voice told her not to worry and that everything would be ok now
She found out she was pregnant a few weeks later
Another story she shared was when she was 8 months pregnant, whilst making dinner, she slipped on some water in the kitchen and as she fell, she grabbed the oven and as it fell towards her, the pan of boiling potatoes slid to the back of oven
Another time, at the traffic lights whilst taking me to school, the lights turned red and just as she was about to cross, a voice told her to pull me back, just as a motorbike sped through the red light
So many things like this happened in my childhood and my mum said she always knew I’d be a spiritual soul and my angels were always looking out for me
I never understood or wanted to accept that I was spiritual until the last few years, I think it really began when I experienced my own out-of-body experience
This happened in 2020 during a retreat in Goa and it was an experience that I will never forget and it was the catalyst for a HUGE ascension into the spiritual world.
To be Continued…
I had so many messages to share, that I definitely wasn’t present at Mark’s friend’s party and spent most of the time on the phone
In the past, I always told myself that mediums and psychics were con artists and that they never really knew anything, they just picked up on things you said
On that day, I purposely tried to say nothing but it didn’t matter because everything she was saying didn’t make sense to me
But after, when I delivered the messages, it made more sense
I just kept saying OMG, this must be true
You cannot deny this Kerry
This isn’t something she made up
OMG, There must be a life after this one
I always thought how can there be a god if so many people I loved were taken so young
But in that moment I realised there maybe there was more after this life, that the spirits and angels my mums always told me about did exist
This was just over 6 years ago…
I thought that was the start of my deepest spiritual journey, turns out it started the night I was conceived
To be continued… there is so much more to come
