Tantric practices to build intimacy in your relationship

There are so many ideas about what Tantra is, for me Tantra is about connection, firstly being truly connected to ourselves so we can then connect more deeply with others.

It’s a connection of our mind, body and spirit allowing us to really drop into our bodies awakening all of our senses and giving permission to express ourselves and what our needs and desires are in the moment.

In relationships, practicing Tantra brings us into a connection where we become one. We are completely open to receiving love from each other, giving ourselves fully to the other whilst being true to ourselves and expressing and facing our fears as we grow our love together.

Sometimes in relationships we can find that one person desires intimacy more than the other and this can sometimes cause friction and pressure to 'perform' when we really don't want too and that can then lead to months and sometimes years of no intimacy at all.

And by intimacy – I mean connection with each other and this can take so many forms from looking at each other in the eyes, giving each other a hug, having conscious sensual touch or making love.

My clients often say we are friends more than lovers and that they like it that way, we are not bothered really but its only when we delve a bit deeper, we realise that they actually miss the intimacy they once had with each other, they've just forgotten what it feels like and because this new way of life now feels comfortable, none of the them are willing to make the first move as they fear rejection or that they may not enjoy it.

Below are some tantric practices to bring intimacy back in to your relationship and it may surprise you what they are...this is the start of the connection, almost like a first date:

Practice Eye Gazing

This is one of the simplest ways to build intimacy. When was the last time you looked at each other in the eyes? Sounds crazy but it really does work as the eyes are connected to your soul. You don’t need to exchange any words or touch, just spending some time looking each other in the eyes is enough to connect you. Give it a go, practice it for a few minutes each and make sure that you keep breathing throughout. End the practice with a beautiful hug for a minimum of 20 seconds – left side to left side so your hearts connect.

Self-pleasure alone

Yes this can really help you be intimate with each other and the reason why is because awakening the connection with yourself first will allow you to be more open with touch from another, you will get to you know your own body and understand the type if touch that you love to receive and the parts of your body that love to be touched.

Remove all agenda and concentrate on how it feels to be touched by you, what type of touch do you like? What parts of your body yearn for love? Take your time, maybe start with your face or an arm and explore, remember to breathe and let sound out as you get to know yourself. Really take your time and remember to breathe and express any sounds that come out and move your body if you think it will enhance your experience. Breath, sound and movement are all key ways to awaken pleasure within you and to move the energy around so you experience pleasure throughout your body.

Spend some time together talking about how you feel about intimacy in your relationship

What do you desire and what do you miss? This may be something you have never really spoken about and your desires may have changed. Maybe there is something really wild you have always dreamed of that you have never told a soul...it could just be a fantasy or it could be something that you would really love to try.

Be honest with each other - you could make this chat as part of a date night to make it more interesting but the key here is just to be honest and open as to how you are really feeling.

 when you are in the listening role, to really honour what you are hearing and be grateful for this space for you to be YOU

Spend time touching each other’s bodies whilst clothed without rushing into sex

Sometimes in relationships we tend to default into what we have always done and its over quicker then we'd like and we are left feeling unfulfilled. Try this lovely game to get you to really feel and appreciate each other’s bodies and really appreciate the parts of you that may be missed or not appreciated for some time

1)    Sit fully clothed opposite each other

2)    Take 3 deep breaths together whilst having eye contact

3)    Decide who is going first

4)    The person that is receiving touch first, close your eyes and the giver first take your partner in, really look at that them and observe their face and their body before you

5)    Now close your eyes

6)    Reach out and really slowly and delicately feel around their face, really take your time, feeling every part of them as if you were drawing them on paper, Really feel into the exercise and spend at least 5 minutes each doing this to each other

7)    Set a clock if that helps you be more present

8)    You may want to both giggle at first as this is the first time you have done anything...let yourself laugh and don't forget to breathe, make sound if you feel like it and move your body if you feel like it will help you drop more into the exercise

I am on a mission for others to deepen the connection to themselves and each other so please share with anyone else you think may love this too

Happy connecting lovelies and enjoy incorporating some Tantra into your life xx